The Many Complaint Letters of Matthew B Mayer

I’m not sure exactly who this email is going to, but it’s the email I have.

Hi, my name is Matt Mayer, and I am relatively new to the building. I’m in Suite X, with XXXX XXXX.

I wanted to bring something to your attention, as it has been a persistent issue of concern to me. I believe the smell in the men’s bathroom on the X floor to be more than just the usual unpleasant odors that kind of room might have. I believe this for a few reasons.

One, I am here often very late at night (through till morning) and I will go in there to use the bathroom (sidebar: and have no way to turn the lights on in there) and the smell will be even worse than usual, while nobody has used it for hours and hours.

And Two, a friend of mine was here assisting me with something, and he comes from a family in the construction business. He says that it smells like there is a plumbing issue. Now, I don’t know much about this stuff myself, so I will do my best to recount what he said. Apparently, sewage pipes always need to have water in them (hence the U shape pipe under sinks) otherwise the noxious fumes from the sewage rise up into the open air in the bathroom.

This, or something similar, appears to be what is happening. I don’t like making waves, but I also don’t like the idea of breathing in poisonous gases for several minutes when I need to use the bathroom at my own office. I was hoping somebody could look into it. Please let me know!

Thanks!

said this in a solicited survey, in response to different questions:

i tried hard to love your watches, but they keep breaking on me, for what seems like no reason. the other day, on a watch i bought within the last couple months (as a replacement for a watch i had had for less than a year) it just stopped working. i am annoyed, to say the least, considering i wore the watch every day.

i liked the watch for its look, being light, wearable if i worked out, and generally being very interesting.

make your watches not break/die on me, like 3 of them now have, in just over a year. i mean, right?

FORM: e-mail to a customer service employee with whom I had been discussing the failings of my recent order 

SUBJECT: An autographed poster of NY Ranger Brandon Dubinsky, a gift for my sister

XXXXXX,

from my google calendar for today.

Just a fun little added thing.

Since I thought I had been pranked by the response, I called the number in the email instead of emailing back (would prefer to not have my foolishness documented). The number was to the Lucky’s on 23rd, so I figured the prankster had just looked up that number and used it. So I asked, with a hint of skepticism, for the person who had emailed me, “Does XXX XXXX work there?”.

The employee who answered the phone responded “may I ask who’s calling?”

I told them my name, and they said, “Oh, the shredded lettuce guy. Hold on.”

Word had gotten around. Quickly. I am the worst.

Lucky’s Famous Burgers responded to me within 24 hours of my original complaint. I hadn’t expected that, not for a second. I wanted to mention it here because this is at the heart of why I complain: I am looking for change. I don’t usually get it, or get listened to, but I’m looking for it. Here is the reply, which was so unexpectedly responsive that I originally thought it to be a prank. It is not a prank. I have confirmed these details. Go Lucky’s!

Dear Matt,

    I completely understand your disappointment and apologize for your dissatifaction. Yes, it is true that the price of iceberg lettuce has increased drastically, more than tripling in price. Due to the recent harsh weather conditions, the crops have frozen and not only is lettuce scarce because of supply and demand, but the quality is extremely poor. We had tried shredding the lettuce in order to ensure that were giving our diners the best possible quality. I must tell you though, that because of your feedback we will go back to whole leaf lettuce. We value our customer’s opinions and feelings. I appreciate the email because without knowlege and awareness we are powerless to improve and make necessary adjustments. Our goal is to  offer a superb guest experience and with your input we can accomplish this. I would like you to please give Luckys a chance to prove to you that every individual is important to us and allow me to buy you lunch or dinner including nice CRISP leaf lettuce.     Thank you for caring enough to take the time to email us. Hopefully I will get the opportunity to meet you in person. I can be reached 9am. til 6pm. Monday thru Friday.

XXXXX XXXXXX

XXXXX@email

Lucky’s Famous Burgers

264 west 23rd.street

New York, NY 10011

XXX-XXX-XXXX

FORM: e-mail to generic info@website address

SUBJECT: Love the burgers, but a change to shredded lettuce?

Dear Lucky’s Famous Burgers,
I just had a hamburger at your 23rd St. location in Manhattan. I was there, as I am regularly, because I thoroughly enjoy your hamburgers. Juicy, with fresh ingredients, never frozen. However, I was very unhappy when the burger I ordered came with shredded lettuce on it instead of the nice piece of crispy iceberg lettuce to which I have become accustomed. Why the change? I’m sure it’s a money thing, but the shredded lettuce is a deal-breaker for this regular customer. Please let me know when you have decided to see the err of your ways and change back. Until then, I will find myself a Five Guys.
Former customer,
Matt

EDIT: They responded, were very gracious, and have in fact made the change I requested. See later post for details.